2026... 4 months in
I finally have the energy to write, journal, reflect, whatever this thing is.
It hasn't been an easy start to the year, but I finally feel like my life is starting to get back on track... or at least the road I'm on looks more like a path and less like endless plains and rolling hills of never-ending-ness.
I'm now studying Japanese part-time at University as a litmus test to see where my boundaries are, what my energy is like, and the things I need to stay alive, active, and chugging along.
I thought I might list briefly some of the things I try to achieve each week:
- 1.5 meals a day
my uni has really affordable and fulfilling food options so that helps a lot
- do the laundry each week
its surprising how much clothes pile up when I change my clothes regularly... laundry can be done fortnightly as well :d
- homework and study
I do have work assigned by the university, but I also like to feel like I did something myself too, whether thats taking a chance to read native material, watch an episode of anime, or research possible new methods of study; if I can do that once a week... well I'm slowly learning to see each small step as a good enough win
I'm slowly building up the energy and motivation to start streaming... or at least document some stuff by video online. I'm thinking stuff like project ideas, my world building and story ideas, playing games. The dream is to one day have my own little community, people interested in me and all the variety of things I do, and give another reason to keep moving along.
I've been really working on my VTuber OC. Its changed a lot overtime, but I'm slowly thinking I've found a good lore, world, and character to represent all the bits of me that exist. The last step is to get a PNGTuber model, but I'm terrible at deciding on colours and visuals... wish me luck I guess.
I'm also slowly picking away at getting started drawing. Thats one of my big dreams is to be able to draw at least somewhat what I want. Mostly to communicate better with those I might commission or work with. It doesn't have to be insta worthy, but not being able to draw the characters and worlds in my head is a little frustrating to say the least.
I know it'll take a lot of work and practice, kind of like learning Japanese xd, so thats probably why I've been dragging my feet. I think the biggest hurdle in everything is finding the motivation and drive that so many creatives just seem to have. Maybe its my ADHD or something acting up, but the energy just is never there. Though this post would disagree I guess. Maybe the direction I'm on now is healing and thats why this post exists, maybe its a sign of greater things just around the corner... time will tell I guess.
Well thats all for now, maybe I'll write and reflect more often or start sharing random thoughts and ideas more. I feel being back home in Australia has helped me open up a bit more; I feel less defensive and anxious and that its not so scary to share myself online and with the real world. Maybe its Australia, maybe its the steps I've taken; I suppose it doesn't really matter.
Until next time then, thanks for reading