Returning to studies - a look back of week 1
I was somewhat worried about returning to studies. I'd taken a gap year to work at my SU. I wouldn't know anyone in the cohort. And, studying computer science, we all share the same lectures so few people would be in similar positions.
However, the welcome week preceding this week helped a lot in easing me back into things. Seeing familiar faces, new faces ready to take on uni, new people from societies I want to join. It was very exciting and filled me with some hope.
The start of the week started off ok. I got to lecture, but hadn't had enough protein. I bumped into a friend between lectures and had a nice talk (though the topic was less pleasant, they were thinking of breaking up with their boyfriend).
My now ex arrived back and our mutual friend helped move her stuff out of mine and into her place. Though she would stay the night. I had kendo in the evening and it was exciting to get active again and reconnect with some very nice people.
However, the evening was less pleasant. I was somewhat distant with my ex. Partly because that's what I instinctively do, but also because I needed the space to keep my BPD in control. To teach it a new normal. And not relapse so to speak.
She didn't like it.
Things haven't gotten better on that front at the end of the week, but I think she's slowly coming to terms with it. Its hard when we've been around each other for over 5 years, and being so young we don't have much experience or reference outside each other. Its hard to imagine or understand that we can live apart. That we will be ok as individuals and that the relationship we have may even get better. More healthy.
I started work on a side project. Using my inside knowledge from working at the SU I'm using it as a ghost client to develop an app. I'm learning react native to make it. Initially because I was interested in developing a personal app to manage my youtube habits. Watching my subscriptions, but not being tempted by the algorithm was the plan. However, I've scope creeped into developing a full stack MVP app designed for an SU. It won't have all the considerations something that would actually be used needs. I'm trying to resist the urge of scope creep and curiosity. There will likely be many security vulnerabilities and unaccounted edge cases. I'll do some protection steps that help keep things running like input validation and sterilisations, but nothing too crazy (like actually resolving and implementing the rabbit hole that is stopping non-app users making requests to the api. Basically to circumvent a curious student from breaking stuff whether maliciously or not).
I've joined the Rainbow Six Siege ESports team. Obviously not in the first team, but I'm excited to have people to regularly play with and learn from. Maybe I'll get even better. Actually I'm sure I will. I got a few lucky headshots during the tryouts, and playing ranked before showed my aim and reaction sense is getting better. Definitely not at the level I'm sometimes dragged to by playing with other better players (I swear people who would be gold or silver in the old system now get regularly matched with copper!) and playing solo has actually been better as I get players more around my skill level and can improve instead of worrying about EVERYTHING and then still getting killed without being able to focus or understand if any one factor could be or was improved.
We're halfway through October already! And I haven't done any creative writing. I really need to find some time to write at least ONE piece this month. Crazy to think I could do 1 per week xd Maybe eventually :)
My ex took her pillows back. Which was like fair, but also she could have waited till I had some that would allow me to sleep. She can't both act like she cares and wants to take care of me while also being so thoughtless. But I digress, not the space to vent, and never the space to bad mouth. She is human. I am human. I am difficult. She is having a difficult time.
But the sleep is bad. It effects the strength and effectiveness of my meds. Which keeps me functional and non-depressed. And I have so much happening. But hopefully the pillow I ordered works :)
Thanks for coming along for another read. See you around.