Depression / Suicide / Decreased Mood / BPD Safety Plan

Actions to reduce/mitigate risk:

• Organise/plan/rsvp for regular social activities
• Be around other people (preferably physically) at least 1/day
  • inc. walking around busy areas, playing online games with others, having a conversation (not just hi) with staff

Factors that increase risk:

• 'Bad' interactions with friendlies+
  • Overthinking interactions (inconsistent triggers)
  • TMI/oversharing interactions
  • Unfinished/rushed interactions (can lead to overthinking)
• Being tired / lack of quality sleep
• Being off ADHD Meds -> or not having enough protein when on meds

Signs of imminent or high risk:

• Lack of interest in regular activities -> esp. if decreased interest in focussed activities (esp. video games)
• Regular 'bad' thoughts
  • Self-deprecating
  • Feelings of isolation/loneliness/'abandonment'
  • Not being understood/seen/cared for correctly
• More frequent or sensitive irritability (and avoidance behaviour)
• Talking to myself more frequently/about less 'relevant' things
  • inc. comforting myself, imagining partners, fantasising about being cared for

Things to do (esp. during high risk):

• Hot Shower
  • Optional: Music AND/OR Soft Light
• mindless Manga reading
  • Note: While 'disturbing'/'twisted' manga is comforting, it is likely not healthy
• Hug my dakimakura / Huddle under the blanket
• sleep -> An option mostly due to the most effective strategy to 'recovery' is passing the time
• Eat junk comfort food and drinks
• Buy something -> Create anticipation/hope for future event (often enough to delay 'action')
  • Plushies, Books, Gadgets, Art, Games (only if something instant to use in the moment...)
• Play music (in background -> listen while doing one of the other 'things')
  • Soft instrumental (jazz often too harsh)
  • (sometimes) loud JRock helps (⚠️Can be form of self harm)
  • Rain sounds (💡jazz in the rain is usually calmer and bearable/comforting)
• Youtube rabbit hole -> Can sometimes worsen feelings due to frustration if algorithm not good enough or not enough content from enjoyed creators

People and Services:

* This section is difficult because I am still making new connections and developing support structures. Additionally, while I've been making progress in connecting better with my parents; they have been more distant lately due to various things happening (managing property and renovations, dealing with siblings, etc); this makes them not viable as EMERGENCY/CARE persons.

** Also now single 🙃 and navigating the new normal, boundaries, expectations, etc with my ex (/best friend)

Term Time Services (Not guaranteed, but likely to try):

• Nightline
  • Open 9pm - 7am, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday Nights of Term
• Physical Places: (None, atm)

People:

• Ayasha -> Low Uncertainty due to situation
• Parents -> Medium Uncertainty due to recent unavailability
• UWC Friends (2) -> High Uncertainty due to distance (not broached heavy topics before and unsure if they would be willing to give support (or what kind it would be; ie helpful or not))
• Siblings -> Zero Chance - not talking to them atm

Additional/Other Notes

* Currently seeing Psychologist weekly for check-in and 'non-specific therapy' (I guess)

** This plan was written loosely based off this safety plan template - [Archived Version]

What can others do?

... not very much. Its 1am and I'm too tired to properly fill this out rn. Generally the feelings don't stem from existentialism or nihilism (in the traditional sense), nor from typical sources of depression/depressive/suicidal feelings (such as hopelessness, pain, etc).

Unless someone was willing/able to commit/provide the hyper-specific and intense 'love' and attention I need, it feels VERY superficial. Though being invited out, doing things (like eating, cooking, gaming, doing 'big' talk) do help; it is often in a distracting and 'activating masking' way. It does not ultimately resolve the issue and can be more dangerous when returning to being alone as others may have expended their energy already and feel unappreciated/unrewarded in their efforts if more care is required (even if it is a critical situation such as during permanent self-harm (like cutting), heavy suicidal ideation, and/or attempt(-like) behaviour).

What would you say to yourself (to combat negative thoughts)?/What would you say to someone else?

A) It is VERY difficult when loneliness is the driver. Unless there is physically tangibly something present to resolve, supress, address, the feelings; it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that there is anything I can say or think that will make it better. A very shitty form of depression.

B) (VERY Probably not the right answer, thus why its in the additional section) I would likely find myself (whether due to self-pleasing or need-filling behaviour) reaching out and offering to be their solution (likely entering some form of a relationship). Its been done. I would likely do it again (esp. when single). While unhealthy, as long as I maintained care routines and professional support <- Unfinished thought